It sneaks in slowly, and before we know it, our really cute adorable child has somehow entered into the annoying kids category. This is an easy fix. The solution is generally accomplished through extra love and attention and some emotion controlled parenting.
Why Did My Child Suddenly Become SO Annoying?
If your child is pleasant to be around most of the time, the culprit may be hunger or fatigue. Are they tired? When was the last time they ate something substantial?
The only problem with this line of thinking, is this is sometimes what created the annoying habits to begin with. A baby can cry when they are hungry or tired, and that is fine. When our babies grow into little people, we need to adjust our response to these cries of hunger and fatigue. They have other tools they can access that babies can’t, like their words or problem solving.
Parents who continue to excuse their children’s behavior are teaching them that when they are tired or hungry they can cry, scream and act out.
This can quickly spread to other areas of frustration in their life. They will have learned that it is okay for them to kick and scream until they get what they need or want.
5 Steps To Take Your Kids From Annoying Back to Awesome
Transforming Annoying Kids Step #1 – Behavior Modeling
Modeling good behavior is always important. Speaking out loud, or to your partner in the presence of your child is impactful and effective.
“I am not feeling myself, and I don’t think I ate lunch today. I am going to take ten minutes now to sit down and eat something.” Prepare something healthy and filling, plate it, and sit down to eat it. Your child just witnessed you checking in with your mental state, pinpointing the problem, and solving it.
Transforming Annoying Kids Rule #2 – Schedules & Structure
From the day my kids are born, I try to introduce some sort of schedule into their life.
I know feeding and sleeping schedules for babies are controversial topics, so I will use bath time as an example. Even if you don’t bathe your child at the same time every day, a routine can be created around bath time itself, perhaps with the addition of a song, a story or a post bath baby massage.
I felt my babies were happier when they were scheduled in the big picture and flexible in the little picture. I create a schedule for my newborns, when they eat, when they sleep, when they bathe – but I am not rigid when the schedule doesn’t fit into our life here or there. Flexibility meant readjusting the schedule and needs of my baby for whatever came up.
If I didn’t have a schedule at all though, it would be a lot harder to be in tune with what my baby needed.
As the babies grow into kids, they will gain from having a schedule that they can implement on their own, and a lot of annoying kids’ habits will be avoided.
As parents, we need to help create and maintain eating and sleeping times. Meal planning and keeping that menu plan up on the fridge is a great way to avoid some classic annoying kids’ moments.
Front Loading
Have you ever prepared a delicious dinner that you KNOW your child likes, only to have them sit down and whine about it?
Years ago, I read a book called Connected Parenting, by Jennifer Kolari. She used a method she called ‘Front Loading’ as a discipline tool. The idea is to prepare your child for a scenario, what is expected of them, and what the consequences will be if their behavior is unacceptable. What it taught me though, is how unfair we are to our kids.
I function better when I know what to expect and I don’t see why they would be any different. Obviously we aren’t trying to map out every moment of their lives. Having an idea of some of it though, will bring a sense of calm to our kids.
My kids sit down happily at the table to eat the roast chicken because it has been up on the fridge all week on the meal schedule, and they hadn’t begun to imagine that I may be serving pizza for dinner. Even if they don’t love the planned dinner, the front loading method of seeing it on the fridge has prepared them for it.
Our kids aren’t little robots that can just be carted here or there, thrown into new situations, all with no preparation or warning. If we are going somewhere new, or we will be in a situation that will require a lot of patience, I let my kids know. Imagining the long lines they may have to stand in, or how they may have to use their indoor voice, helps them overcome the obstacles better when they get there.
Transforming Annoying Kids Rule #3 – Validation
Front Loading doesn’t give our kids the green light when things don’t go as planned. What if I had to change the lasagna I planned for Tuesday night’s dinner with the Shepherd’s Pie planned for Wednesday? Here is an opportunity to teach them how to deal with disappointment.
I picked my 5 year old daughter up from day camp today. She was hot, sweaty, and did not look happy. She started to cry when she saw me. They were supposed to get Punch Balloons at the end of camp today, and the counselor forgot them.
My first reaction when I heard the crying and whining was to just say tough luck and let her get over it. I took a deep breath though, and asked her about what happened. She shared how upset she was, and wanted me to have the counselor go back into the building and get her punch balloon for her.
Validating and letting her talk through her problem does not mean fixing it for her. If the counselor wasn’t giving them out now, I assumed there was a reason, and I was not going to be THAT mom.
I empathized and acknowledged how upsetting that must have been. I asked her if the counselor still planned to give them the balloons and she said yes, tomorrow. “It isn’t easy to wait for something when you thought your were getting them today. Do you know what color they are?” Validate, empathize and then distract from the initial disappointment. She told me they were white and that you could punch them – until now I wasn’t sure what kind of balloon she was talking about.
We walked to the car, talking about the balloon and how cool it sounded. Her whining and crying had lasted maybe 30 seconds.
We need to remember as parents that our kids need to own their own feelings. Validation and empathy should never be confused with taking on our children’s emotions ourselves.
Transforming Annoying Kids Rule #4 – Firm Parenting
When our kid starts to whine, has a minor tantrum, and is firmly in the annoying kids’ boat, how do we respond? Maybe they are hungry, and it is all my fault. I didn’t realize the time and they have gone way too long without food. That is okay, and reacting calmly and with acceptance when we make ‘okay mistakes’ are great ways to model behavior for our kids again.
“Look at the time! You must be starving. How about you sit here and look at the pictures from our trip last week while I get your food ready?”
Calm. Solution oriented. Not reacting from a place of guilt or beating ourselves up for our mistakes.
It may not help. If they are small and well into a spiral, they may just lay themselves down on the floor kicking and screaming and refusing any food you plan to make. At that point you have moved out of annoying kids territory and into full blown tantrum territory. That is an entirely different category and has different solutions.
If we are still in annoying kids zone, with potential minor tantrums, don’t let guilt or frustration in. Calm, firm parenting partnered with kindness will win in the long run.
“I love you, and hope you can come sit and eat with me when the food is ready.”
Ignore the whining while you prepare the food and put it on the table. A big hug can sometimes help, or conversation about something that would excite your child and distract him until the food is ready.
By keeping our own emotions from rising, we are modeling good behavior. This gives our children a sense of security. Kids need to feel that their parents are in control, and not that they are controlled by their kids.
Transforming Annoying Kids Rule #5 – Love and Positive Attention
Whenever our kids act out, the first avenue to explore is whether or not they need more attention.
There is no set formula. Some kids need more attention than others, and that is okay.
Be careful here too though, that you don’t give your kids the sense that they are controlling you. If they behave badly and you shower them with attention and affection, it will set a bad example. Stick to the firm parenting model if they are acting out. Plan to add the extra attention in a bit later in the day, so it doesn’t seem to them that they are being rewarded for bad behavior.
If you have noticed your child picking fights with their siblings for no reason and having an overall more negative attitude, love may be the answer. Think of times during your day where you may be able to give them more individual attention.
Reading them a book, even if it is an older child who knows how to read. Playing a game with them after their younger siblings are asleep, or asking them to help you with chores that they might enjoy doing together with you. It is important to try to do something you can enjoy too. If you hate playing board games, do something else. Forcing yourself to do something you can’t stand won’t result in the best quality time spent together.
My ten year old son recently taught me to solve a Rubik’s cube. It took a few tutoring sessions, and we both really enjoyed the time together.
Find opportunities to give compliments to your child. Don’t assume they know you are proud of them.
Sam walks in the front door from school. “Hi Sam.” Hug, kiss. “I was in your room this morning and noticed your bed. You always make it, but it looked like a maid in a hotel made it today!”
Parent’s Wake Up Call
Use those annoying kids moments as little alarm clocks.
View each moment as an opportunity of self growth for your kids. They will learn to deal with disappointment, understand themselves, regulate their feelings and create structure in their life. With that in mind we will welcome every annoying moment they throw at us!
It is like a little bell going off, reminding us that our love, attention and tools for dealing with life are the best gifts we can give our kids.
Love it 🙂